Your newsletter for week 3.

Sho must have smiled to see the Razorbacks keep it so close against the Tide. Unfortunately, I don’t think that the Gators have enough offense to keep things tight like the Razorbacks did. I wonder how upset the Shen household was w/ the Bruin beat down of the Horns. I wonder if Bridget knew that this helps Shen’s Cardinal. This is usually the weekend where we talk about Red Rivers and Meyer vs. Saban for national title implications. Instead the national talk is about the importance of Oregon speed vs. Cardinal strength. Good Luck Shen. I want to be massive underdogs against you. Congrats to VDW’s Spartans. Do you think that you’ll be able to slow down Heisman favorite Shoelace Robinson?

It’s a shame that someone had to lose this game.

Meg = VDW. Stewie=Mola Ram= Bleemia. VDW and Ben squared off in a true battle of the titans. The last quarters of 2 games decided this battle. Peyton to Collie has been Ben’s theme song for the year and it was rang early and often. It was also the last TD for the Colts. For those of you who didn’t see the game, coach McDaniels has a pair and doesn’t mind sticking his neck out. He went for it on 4th and goal on 2 separate drives instead of going for the chip FG. It would have meant that the Broncos were down 19-20 before the last TD to Collie. But it would have meant the Broncos were within 1 score instead of 2. The Seahawks continue to be very strong at home/the Chargers continue to stumble out of the gate. Rivers to Gates was the theme on the game tying TD prior to the Seahawks kick off return for game winning TD. Oh yeah, Gates was still getting love on the failed last drive by the Chargers. The 2nd coming of Vick has been the key to VDW’s resurgence. He destroyed the Jags which doesn’t say much. How does Kolb get a shot to start unless Vick does a complete 180 at this point? I wonder if VDW has a Vick jersey. I wonder how hard Ben was cheering for his Beagles this week. VDW gets the loss but shouldn’t despair w/ Vick to Vishawn working so well. All Day is carrying the Vikings for you too. You just need Ronnie B to play better or not against strong run defenses.

It’s a shame that someone had to win this week.

On the flip side of things, Kras continued his Mojo of low scoring affairs and I ended up getting the jinx. I’m blaming Kras for making me choose the wrong players to start this week. My bench did far better than my starters this week. I’m also abandoning my 9ers. It hurts too much. Someone make me an offer for Vernon. At least I have 3 horses at RB and the happiest passing offense led by the K.O. kid. Kras finally tastes defeat and deserves to w/ another low score. I’m not trying to pile on Kras but you can only get lucky for so long w/ such low scores. I believe that Mojo and Fitz are injured and they’re both stuck on mediocre offenses. I know that you won’t read this but I suggest starting Matty Ice against my 9ers next week. He should put up 20 points easy. You should also start the Falcon D and wait for turnovers to happen.

FYI, Favre looks horrible.

WTF? Where is Towns? Is he too busy being dad times 2 to realize that Favre has been horrible this year. The Lions are bad but do you think that they’re the insta-cure for all ailing QB’s? Sir, you’re thinking of the 9ers. If big E had no other options, it would make some sort of sense but he has red hot Cutler. And no porous D can help Berrian. I don’t know why he’s even on your roster. Well you deserve to be 0-3 for all of your decision making. Ash gets the win but we’ll see if he loses Andre and Rice due to injuries. Romo goes on a bye and I wonder what the roll of the dice will give him. He’s lucky that he’s set to face T squared who believes in benching his best WR. I don’t get this league sometimes. I hope that it’s not indifference. The video has nothing to do w/ this piece but I wanted to say that I've Rick Rolled someone.

Does Krotchua feel like someone has done this to his car?

Oh how the mighty have fallen. I’ll be saying that at the end of the year if Krotchua finally misses the playoffs. Poor Josh. He had an incredible game last week but came up incredibly lame this week. It’s just like S Jax. He can go from great to limping just like that. He’s now 0-3. We’ll see if all my smack talk will get back at me since I play him next. Sho gets the sweet taste of victory and is incredibly proud of his Gator Hernandez. He’s caught the eye of that ever so dashing Brady w/ his Beiber hair cut. We may have finally found a TE for the Pats offense. I’m still not that impressed w/ your team though due to your lack of RB’s. I really loved Shonn in the preseason but he’s been under whelming and LDT has shown life once again. It sure looks like a RBBC for the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets!!!

Is it a shame that Tim won?

It’s a good question to ask. TT sat Anquan who exploded for the week and needed the services of Knox on MNF to seal the victory. I can’t see why he’d sit Boldin. At least Vishnal has some logic to his decisions. But Vish is Vish and it’s hard to see him have success at anything…sports related so I was rooting for Tim. While the 9ers look bad, they keep giving Gore the ball so I think that he’ll produce week. Like me, Tim needs to find a D. Unlike me, he also needs to find a TE. If he ever got his act together, the Murmurs would be a force to recon with. Vish is giving payback to the rest of division for picking on him.

What about Jennings?

This must have been a very painful game for AshTownKoch to watch. I wonder if he thought that he was seeing a big F U on the screen. Shenanigans slowly kept inching closer and closer w/ each pass from Rodgers to Finley. Jennings got a TD but didn’t get many looks. Cliff even had Forte in this game but he couldn’t get anything going on the ground or air. Cliff just needs to hang in there until Ben returns. It’s a long season and Beanie and Matthews have a lot of long term potential IF they stay healthy. Shen continues to be Shen. Jahvid didn’t go off but he had enough for the win from the team for the win.

Highlights: Notre Dame - MSU. Watch more top selected videos about: Michigan State (team), CFB

Your newsletter for week dos.

Geez VDW, your coach really gives his all for the game. Great game and finish though it was technically w/ 00 on the play clock. But it was against Notre Dame so it’s all good all the time. Hopefully, coach Dantonio will be okay. The other great game from the weekend had Arizona jumping early against Iowa, get caught from behind but able to finish the Hawkeyes in the end. I put Auburn/Clemson as the 3rd best game because the finish was a missed kick versus Auburn doing something to win in the end. No big surprises for the top teams though Air Force put a big scare in the folks in Norman. For our league, Kansas came back down to earth after upsetting Go Jackets. Cal’s off to their usual fraud season. Stanford’s Luck looks really good and has clearly surpassed Locker for the best QB in the draft. Ryan Mallet has now passed Locker. I root for QB play in the hopes that my 9ers will find a QB some day. But I’m torn b/c Mallet’s coach is a douche. Speaking of douches, Lane Kiffin believes it’s a video game and goes for the 2 point conversion as an F U b/c he has nothing to lose. Speaking of losing, if you’re ineligible then you can’t win an award. But if we’re talking about the Heisman, don’t all eyes have to look to Ann Arbor these days? He’s responsible for like 500 million yards of total offense. He actually looks like he can throw the ball like a pro QB too. Texas avenged their loss to the Red Raiders but sure looked like they were asking to lose. The Gators continued their mastery of checkerboard U but didn’t come alive until the 2nd half.

Godzilla meets King Kong.

I want to see Joshua reenact the video w/ his daughters. I The battle between the Krotchua and Shensenstein was the high powered battle that we all expected. Josh bounced back after a horrible week 1 but was unable to take advantage of Schaub’s come back against Sho’s Skins. He also had the Polumalu led Steelers D to help him out but in the end, his WR’s disappointed him just like his Cows. Garcon and especially Crabtree have been large let downs. I can see Garcon coming back b/c of Peyton. I would love to have faith in Alex Smith but my eyes say no. Josh falls to 0-2 and while it’s still very early in the season, he really needs a win to go w/ a loss from 2-0 Shen. If the opposite happens, he’ll be 3 games behind and thoughts of wild cards will start dancing in his head. Shen’s looking good w/ Jahvid Beast leading the way. His talent has never been a question, his health has. Time will tell. Rodgers has lived up to his 1st round billing. Geez. 2 Cal Bears may end up being the key to a Stanford Cardinal’s success.

Vish has a receipt and he’s cashing it in on the horse that he rode in on.

Vish was picked on to create his division. Maybe it’s b/c Vish gets no respect. Maybe it’s b/c Vish has a huge self created target on his back. Maybe it’s nature taking it’s due course. Regardless of the reason, Vish is looking good at 2-0 and on top of his division. To top it off, he used Bleemia’s own LaShady as the key to the win. I don’t if he’s happier w/ his Texans or his own undefeated streak. If Andre misses time, he even has Jacoby to pick up the slack. Good San Diego living Vish. Ben could have got the win this week if he was able to read the tea leaves and guess that Beanie would sit and Hightower would have a big day against (insert the Simpsons old joke…the Atlanta Falcons). Speaking of Falcons, I wonder if Bleemia is doing a Turner get well chant w/ Lauren these days.

I shouldn’t listen to Dennis.

Some people were wondering if T squared realized that the season already started as evidenced by his benching of Anquan. I wonder if this picture had something to do w/ it.
I suggested that Tim start Anquan, Dez, and Knox. I’m sorry that Dez didn’t do as well as Walker Texas Ranger, but I believed that the Cows would put on a show at home against the Bears. But in my defense, Dez scored but on special teams. It wasn’t enough against VDW but would have been against ½ the league and division rivals Vishnal and Bleemia. T squared has some high potential at wide receiver. He could end up w/ his best team this year. The win goes to VDW and his Spartans. I hope that VDW didn’t get as emotionally invested as coach Dantonio. VDW should be ecstatic w/ this week’s results minus his coach. He has Vick and while he won’t be playing the Lions each week, he’s pretty good trade value. The added benefit is his arm. Vick can throw the deep bomb that Kolb can’t which means good things for Desean’s home runs. Maybe this will keep VDW from crying in his beer each week.

At least my Texans won.

Cliff loses but while Portis’s 2 goal line TDs hurt him in fantasy, it wasn’t enough in reality. I’m sure that Cliff will take it. I wonder how much longer he can take the questions at QB. It’s only 3 more weeks before Big Ben comes back but he’ll be playing a guessing game at QB w/ Hasselbeck and Kolb. For the record, I like Kolb and Flacco has looked just as bad. At least you have some depth at RB so you can deal w/ Matthews’ injury if it’s bad. You might want to pick another D next week since your Texans will be hosting the Cows, unless you want to root against your own team as a sacrifice to the NFL gods. I would sacrifice Massaquoi to the bench in favor of Macklin though. Sho gets the win but still looks less than stellar. The Pats won’t be playing the Jets next week so Brady should bounce back but will Harvin? You can’t be explosive if you have a bum hip and you have a bum QB. Get the shovels out and try to bury him and see if he’ll stay dead. Cliff reads the most comic books out of all of us so I thought Spider Man would be appropriate for him. You'll have to ask him about the "vibrator" weapon. Doreen has been out of town for quite a bit so he might be a little lonely so he shouldn't be judged.

I have pains in my heart.

Seeing my 9ers give the game away to the Saints sucks a lot more than losing to Ashhhhholes for the 2nd time this week. He’s a rampant cheater at Madden. The Saints kept leaving the door open for a 9er victory but my boys just don’t know how to win. I was glad to see come level of competency from Alexia Smith. I still don’t believe in him though. I still can’t believe the under usage of Jamal Charles. He only has ½ of the Td’s scored on offense of the team and has twice as many YPC than the “starter” Thomas Jones. Flacco has been a disappointment but I think he’ll get better as the year goes a long. Thankfully, I have the K.O. kid. Ash put in a huge week w/ a large nod to the H town come back posse. Andre bounced back and Rackers was on like Donkey Kong.
Knoshown and Ray Rice had big games too. Top score honors were denied thanks to Shenanigans’ Bradshaw on SNF.

I’m on top of the division?

Unlike your mascot who got mounted, you are on top Kras.
Kras sits on top of his division. I don’t know if it’s good living or living luckily. He scored the 3rd lowest of the week and has the 3rd lowest total points for the league. But when it comes to fantasy, whom you play each week is just as big as what your team does. Good for you Kras. I’m still unimpressed w/ your team so far. We’ll see how I eat my words. Big E plummeted back down to Earth after his mega score last week. He still had a chance at winning though but went w/ the old at QB and fell w/ him. I’m pretty sure that it’s Jay all the way until Favre shows some life. Hillis was a great pick up and I’m stunned that he made it all the way to you. You can thank Kras and T squared for that. I don’t think Hillis will have success against the Ravens run D. The Daily Show hasn’t shown much and Felix has been disappointing like the Cows so I don’t know what you’ll do at your 2nd RB this week. But on the other hand, I think you’re set at WR w/ Nicks, Walter, and Santana. I predict a win versus the evil Asssholes this week for you.

Welcome Back Football!!!

It was a great weekend of college football. A school named after a president beat Virginia Tech. Notre Dame lost. Oregon didn’t let the Pac 12 down against an SEC team. I love it when David beats Goliath. The only negative w/ James Madison’s win is how Boise St. will suffer in the polls. The most entertaining game had the Irish vs. the Wolverines. Denard Robinson w/ 5 billion yards of total offense. Damn!!! The Irish almost had one of their storied wins as Crist came back and put life back into the Irish attack. It was surreal to hear, “Montana drops back...” VDW, I hope your defense is strong enough or that your offense can keep up. I don’t know why people were excited about the Bama/Penn St game. Did anyone outside of Pennsylvania think that the Nittany LIons stand a chance even w/ the back up RB for the Tide playing? I think that he’s better than the started. I also don’t know why people were so excited about a Buckeye/Cane rematch. But it was hard for me to hear the words, “ Ohio St has too many athletes for the U. “ What??? Vinny Testaverde is rolling over in his grave. Ryan Mallett is sticking his name in the Luck vs Locker debate. Not much of a debate so far btw. Locker has the physical tools but hasn’t shown the accuracy or ability to win. For Sho, Lattimore is getting a lot of luv from the press. Cal’s next best player looks to be Keenan Allen. He doesn’t have the quick twitch of Desean and Jahvid but is bigger and very talented.

Arian Nation, Baby!!!
The game of the week was truly a clash of heavyweights as described by Shen. Big E is the tallest and I have the most pounds per square inch. Doh! It’s unfortunate that the loser of this bout would end up getting the 2nd highest score of the week. But as I’ve said before, whom you play is incredibly important. The fantasy darling after week 1 is the Texans workhorse back but his numbers were b/c of whom they played as well. You play keep away from Peyton as long as possible as we learned from the Saints in the Superbowl. I expect the Texans to be a successful passing team for the season but the addition of a stud RB means playoffs. Cliff and Vish may not like the fact that I have H town’s favorite player right now but they will gladly take it. While Arian’s production (1/3 of my team) was herculean, I needed more to beat our 6’7” behemoth from Nebraska. CJ2K was actually “held in check” for most of the Raiders game except for a 70 yard TD run. Hakeem “the Dream” Nicks got 3 TD’s much to Big E’s delight. Reports from VDW were that Towns was giddy like a school girl even though it was at the expense of his hometown Panthers. Boo!!! Jay Cutler put up big points though it was against the lowly Lions defense. Once again Big E roots against his own as ex Husker Suh is now a Lion. Double boo!!! As usual Dallas got Peyton’s love too. How do you beat such evil? By unleashing the Arian nation and getting big games from Miles ( http://www.buzztab.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/kim-kardashian1.jpg I just won the prize of the week w/ this routine. Do you think that I’m changing it now?? You’re nucking futz if you do. ) It came down to Monday night’s 2nd game as Jamal Charles had a big run despite coach Haley’s decision to give more touches to Thomas “I’m a good soldier and locker room influence so ignore my paltry 3.5 ypc vs Jamal’s 8.4 ypc” Jones. My team wasn’t all good though as my beloved 49ers stunk up the joint and my def had -1 to the talentless Seahawks. Embarrassing!!! Towns shouldn’t spend much time on this disappointment b/c Grant may have suffered a bad ankle injury and he scored too many points to get a good waiver wire spot to get ex Husker Brandon Jackson. Karma, thou art a beeeatchh!!!

2 F’ing Yards!!!!
The closest game was actually between the I hate vulturing McGahee vs. Sorry, Ashish. I honestly thought that I was going to lose so I went to bed early and woke up w/ a good surprise. 2 yards is the equivalent of less than a Big E falling down. It’s all he needed to win. He needed less than an equivalent of me to just tie. I’m sure Asholes are quite upset this week. He’ll say something like, “ WTF Andre or stupid Alex Barron and his last second (strangle)hold.” (Sho smiles.) If Ash misses the playoffs by 1 game, he can easily point to this one. He lost by 0.1 points. Maybe next time he’ll start Scheffler over Andre. Ha! Man, I would be sooooo angry right now if I were Ash. I wonder how much he loves his 2 out of the top 6 picks in the draft now. FYI, they scored 9.5 points for you. The first 4 picks of mine each scored more than that. Man, Ash should be so angry right now. Kras, with all sincerity, will apologize over his meek win. But win by 0.1 or win by 20. You still get the win Kras. Congrats. The Pats D was a great pick if even for 1 game. Honestly, I thought they’d be lousy this year. Gaffney could have a very solid though unspectacular year. You should have some worry though b/c Fitz is playing at a lesser level due to injuries. And you need all the ability that you can get when you get Derek “inaccurate as hell” Anderson putting your body at risk. And once again, Gonzales is hurt. (insert part where VDW goes on about his disgust.)

Will Someone Please Tell Tim to Set His Lineups??
Maybe that’s too harsh b/c Tim may have intentionally sat Anquan Boldin in fear of Revis. But wasn’t afraid of Kenny Britt going against the 2nd best cover corner, Asomugha? The problem is that it’s a competitive league for $ so other people may get upset at the end of the year if some teams get into the playoffs b/c some people don’t set lineups. Bleemia gets the win but could have easliy got the loss if Boldin played instead of Britt or the equally ineffective Sims Walker Texas Ranger. You won’t read this so I’ll text you the players to go for on waivers this week. Bleemia gets the win as Peyton hurried up and scored (doesn’t anyone else think that Ben jobbed Tim by drafting him 1 spot before?) and Wes proved his Wolverine like healing abilities. Incredibly, Ben sat his first 2 draft picks due to match ups and was half right. Jerome did well at the end of last year but new GM Holmgren doesn’t believe in him. Peyton Hillis who? At least Bleemia still has Collie and Breaston to put in next week. I don’t know what to do about the Bungles defense though. I think it’s an aberration and that they’ll be good next week. They can’t be much worse. Right?

Vish wins and his Texans win = happy Vish.
Vish gets a blowout win over VDW as Vishy gets very good production from 5 players and a spectacular day from the Ocho. His “disappointment” was from Brees. If Vish gets this kind of steady numbers, he’ll be a scary force for the whole season. Obviously, you’d rather have a whole team producing instead of just 2 or 3 guys blowing up each week. Once again, I tip my hat to you sir and tell you to suck my b@!!$. VDW is left to his own sorrows. Maybe you should think of it as fantasy futbol and it would make you better. Or maybe as Shen says, who did VDW pick? I guess that team’s going to suck this year. In fairness, he said the same thing about Ash. While you didn’t score much, it would have beat 4 other teams. If you look inside the numbers, All Day did well considering his lack of touches in the 2nd half. He’ll have much better days against lesser defenses. As a former Colston owner, I can tell you how frustrating the Saints offense can be. Brees will spread it out but at least Colston usually has the most targets. Inside the numbers, the Saints went w/ a heavy rush attack in the 2nd half so Colston’s numbers had to suffer. All of the Falcons had a bad day against the Polumalu led Steelers D. If there’s one thing to worry about, it would be Desean. I knew that his numbers relied on the deep ball and I didn’t think that Kolb had the arm for it. I also don’t trust Vick’s accuracy. Roddy never had great numbers w/ Vick either, though Roddy was just starting out then.

Stafford...noooooooooooo........
Shen gets the win but could lose the war if Stafford’s injury negatively impacts Megatron and Jahvid. And worse call ever since the last worse call ever in the Lions/Bears game. I really do root for Detroit and I was sipping the Kool Aid. But some places are just cursed aka Clippers. Megatron catches the last second game winning TD from the back up QB by outjumping the DB and obviously securing the ball w/ his 1 hand like Vish does w/ his little Vish and lands w/ 2 feet in the endzone. Horrible...absolutely horrible. If 10 guys in a bar think it’s a TD, it’s a TD. Thank you Madden. I think Nanunanu will get a start next week until D Bowe starts to show some rapport w/ Cassel. Shen will be licking his lips over the Ahmad vs Colts D next week. Shen may even go to an all Giants backfield. Sho goes down and it sure looked like Brady was the only person to sho up this week. Greene’s butter fingers has Rex talking about a split backfield now. Doh! FYI, Portis sucks, Braylon sucks, and Maroney sucks. These have been words uttered by fantasy owners over the last few years. Why don’t you learn, Sho? After week 1, I’m looking good in my CJ Spiller call. Bills suck and CJ is no Barry Sanders.

Matt Forte = fantasy goodness.
At least for 1 week, Forte was great. But if you look at his numbers, he got 2 big plays against the lowly Lions. If you take those 2 plays away, his numbers look mediocre. But he got a lot of touches and that’s very important in fantasy. Ryan Matthews didn’t explode like most thought but I think that it was due to playing from behind and the weather. He’ll eventually make you proud. I wouldn’t buy into Massoquooidsoooquijibo though. He had 1 big play for a TD. I learned that lesson last year. But start Macklin regardless of who’s at QB. I wonder if you’ll be lucky enough to get Vick on waivers. Krotchua’s team played like he does when he’s drunk at the poker table. He would have been doubled up if he had played either Big E or myself. S Jax is already hurt. Crabtree and Garcon had some bad drops. Crabtree still has Alex Smith throwing to him. How do I have a disdain for Alex Smith? Let me count the ways. He plays best in the shot gun b/c he can’t read the defenses quick enough. The shot gun means Gore suffers. Smith is inaccurate. Smith doesn’t have the stones to lead the team. He also makes bad decisions. He must have a video of the owner in a pagan/bestiality gone wild party to still have a job.