Welcome Back Football!!!

It was a great weekend of college football. A school named after a president beat Virginia Tech. Notre Dame lost. Oregon didn’t let the Pac 12 down against an SEC team. I love it when David beats Goliath. The only negative w/ James Madison’s win is how Boise St. will suffer in the polls. The most entertaining game had the Irish vs. the Wolverines. Denard Robinson w/ 5 billion yards of total offense. Damn!!! The Irish almost had one of their storied wins as Crist came back and put life back into the Irish attack. It was surreal to hear, “Montana drops back...” VDW, I hope your defense is strong enough or that your offense can keep up. I don’t know why people were excited about the Bama/Penn St game. Did anyone outside of Pennsylvania think that the Nittany LIons stand a chance even w/ the back up RB for the Tide playing? I think that he’s better than the started. I also don’t know why people were so excited about a Buckeye/Cane rematch. But it was hard for me to hear the words, “ Ohio St has too many athletes for the U. “ What??? Vinny Testaverde is rolling over in his grave. Ryan Mallett is sticking his name in the Luck vs Locker debate. Not much of a debate so far btw. Locker has the physical tools but hasn’t shown the accuracy or ability to win. For Sho, Lattimore is getting a lot of luv from the press. Cal’s next best player looks to be Keenan Allen. He doesn’t have the quick twitch of Desean and Jahvid but is bigger and very talented.

Arian Nation, Baby!!!
The game of the week was truly a clash of heavyweights as described by Shen. Big E is the tallest and I have the most pounds per square inch. Doh! It’s unfortunate that the loser of this bout would end up getting the 2nd highest score of the week. But as I’ve said before, whom you play is incredibly important. The fantasy darling after week 1 is the Texans workhorse back but his numbers were b/c of whom they played as well. You play keep away from Peyton as long as possible as we learned from the Saints in the Superbowl. I expect the Texans to be a successful passing team for the season but the addition of a stud RB means playoffs. Cliff and Vish may not like the fact that I have H town’s favorite player right now but they will gladly take it. While Arian’s production (1/3 of my team) was herculean, I needed more to beat our 6’7” behemoth from Nebraska. CJ2K was actually “held in check” for most of the Raiders game except for a 70 yard TD run. Hakeem “the Dream” Nicks got 3 TD’s much to Big E’s delight. Reports from VDW were that Towns was giddy like a school girl even though it was at the expense of his hometown Panthers. Boo!!! Jay Cutler put up big points though it was against the lowly Lions defense. Once again Big E roots against his own as ex Husker Suh is now a Lion. Double boo!!! As usual Dallas got Peyton’s love too. How do you beat such evil? By unleashing the Arian nation and getting big games from Miles ( http://www.buzztab.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/kim-kardashian1.jpg I just won the prize of the week w/ this routine. Do you think that I’m changing it now?? You’re nucking futz if you do. ) It came down to Monday night’s 2nd game as Jamal Charles had a big run despite coach Haley’s decision to give more touches to Thomas “I’m a good soldier and locker room influence so ignore my paltry 3.5 ypc vs Jamal’s 8.4 ypc” Jones. My team wasn’t all good though as my beloved 49ers stunk up the joint and my def had -1 to the talentless Seahawks. Embarrassing!!! Towns shouldn’t spend much time on this disappointment b/c Grant may have suffered a bad ankle injury and he scored too many points to get a good waiver wire spot to get ex Husker Brandon Jackson. Karma, thou art a beeeatchh!!!

2 F’ing Yards!!!!
The closest game was actually between the I hate vulturing McGahee vs. Sorry, Ashish. I honestly thought that I was going to lose so I went to bed early and woke up w/ a good surprise. 2 yards is the equivalent of less than a Big E falling down. It’s all he needed to win. He needed less than an equivalent of me to just tie. I’m sure Asholes are quite upset this week. He’ll say something like, “ WTF Andre or stupid Alex Barron and his last second (strangle)hold.” (Sho smiles.) If Ash misses the playoffs by 1 game, he can easily point to this one. He lost by 0.1 points. Maybe next time he’ll start Scheffler over Andre. Ha! Man, I would be sooooo angry right now if I were Ash. I wonder how much he loves his 2 out of the top 6 picks in the draft now. FYI, they scored 9.5 points for you. The first 4 picks of mine each scored more than that. Man, Ash should be so angry right now. Kras, with all sincerity, will apologize over his meek win. But win by 0.1 or win by 20. You still get the win Kras. Congrats. The Pats D was a great pick if even for 1 game. Honestly, I thought they’d be lousy this year. Gaffney could have a very solid though unspectacular year. You should have some worry though b/c Fitz is playing at a lesser level due to injuries. And you need all the ability that you can get when you get Derek “inaccurate as hell” Anderson putting your body at risk. And once again, Gonzales is hurt. (insert part where VDW goes on about his disgust.)

Will Someone Please Tell Tim to Set His Lineups??
Maybe that’s too harsh b/c Tim may have intentionally sat Anquan Boldin in fear of Revis. But wasn’t afraid of Kenny Britt going against the 2nd best cover corner, Asomugha? The problem is that it’s a competitive league for $ so other people may get upset at the end of the year if some teams get into the playoffs b/c some people don’t set lineups. Bleemia gets the win but could have easliy got the loss if Boldin played instead of Britt or the equally ineffective Sims Walker Texas Ranger. You won’t read this so I’ll text you the players to go for on waivers this week. Bleemia gets the win as Peyton hurried up and scored (doesn’t anyone else think that Ben jobbed Tim by drafting him 1 spot before?) and Wes proved his Wolverine like healing abilities. Incredibly, Ben sat his first 2 draft picks due to match ups and was half right. Jerome did well at the end of last year but new GM Holmgren doesn’t believe in him. Peyton Hillis who? At least Bleemia still has Collie and Breaston to put in next week. I don’t know what to do about the Bungles defense though. I think it’s an aberration and that they’ll be good next week. They can’t be much worse. Right?

Vish wins and his Texans win = happy Vish.
Vish gets a blowout win over VDW as Vishy gets very good production from 5 players and a spectacular day from the Ocho. His “disappointment” was from Brees. If Vish gets this kind of steady numbers, he’ll be a scary force for the whole season. Obviously, you’d rather have a whole team producing instead of just 2 or 3 guys blowing up each week. Once again, I tip my hat to you sir and tell you to suck my b@!!$. VDW is left to his own sorrows. Maybe you should think of it as fantasy futbol and it would make you better. Or maybe as Shen says, who did VDW pick? I guess that team’s going to suck this year. In fairness, he said the same thing about Ash. While you didn’t score much, it would have beat 4 other teams. If you look inside the numbers, All Day did well considering his lack of touches in the 2nd half. He’ll have much better days against lesser defenses. As a former Colston owner, I can tell you how frustrating the Saints offense can be. Brees will spread it out but at least Colston usually has the most targets. Inside the numbers, the Saints went w/ a heavy rush attack in the 2nd half so Colston’s numbers had to suffer. All of the Falcons had a bad day against the Polumalu led Steelers D. If there’s one thing to worry about, it would be Desean. I knew that his numbers relied on the deep ball and I didn’t think that Kolb had the arm for it. I also don’t trust Vick’s accuracy. Roddy never had great numbers w/ Vick either, though Roddy was just starting out then.

Stafford...noooooooooooo........
Shen gets the win but could lose the war if Stafford’s injury negatively impacts Megatron and Jahvid. And worse call ever since the last worse call ever in the Lions/Bears game. I really do root for Detroit and I was sipping the Kool Aid. But some places are just cursed aka Clippers. Megatron catches the last second game winning TD from the back up QB by outjumping the DB and obviously securing the ball w/ his 1 hand like Vish does w/ his little Vish and lands w/ 2 feet in the endzone. Horrible...absolutely horrible. If 10 guys in a bar think it’s a TD, it’s a TD. Thank you Madden. I think Nanunanu will get a start next week until D Bowe starts to show some rapport w/ Cassel. Shen will be licking his lips over the Ahmad vs Colts D next week. Shen may even go to an all Giants backfield. Sho goes down and it sure looked like Brady was the only person to sho up this week. Greene’s butter fingers has Rex talking about a split backfield now. Doh! FYI, Portis sucks, Braylon sucks, and Maroney sucks. These have been words uttered by fantasy owners over the last few years. Why don’t you learn, Sho? After week 1, I’m looking good in my CJ Spiller call. Bills suck and CJ is no Barry Sanders.

Matt Forte = fantasy goodness.
At least for 1 week, Forte was great. But if you look at his numbers, he got 2 big plays against the lowly Lions. If you take those 2 plays away, his numbers look mediocre. But he got a lot of touches and that’s very important in fantasy. Ryan Matthews didn’t explode like most thought but I think that it was due to playing from behind and the weather. He’ll eventually make you proud. I wouldn’t buy into Massoquooidsoooquijibo though. He had 1 big play for a TD. I learned that lesson last year. But start Macklin regardless of who’s at QB. I wonder if you’ll be lucky enough to get Vick on waivers. Krotchua’s team played like he does when he’s drunk at the poker table. He would have been doubled up if he had played either Big E or myself. S Jax is already hurt. Crabtree and Garcon had some bad drops. Crabtree still has Alex Smith throwing to him. How do I have a disdain for Alex Smith? Let me count the ways. He plays best in the shot gun b/c he can’t read the defenses quick enough. The shot gun means Gore suffers. Smith is inaccurate. Smith doesn’t have the stones to lead the team. He also makes bad decisions. He must have a video of the owner in a pagan/bestiality gone wild party to still have a job.