I LIKE CRUSHING THE LITTLE MAN.

I don’t know if any of you used to watch Kids in the Hall. It was a Canadian version of SNL and they had this sketch where one guy would use his thumb and index finger to “crush” another person’s head. It was stupid and funny at the same time. It was what Josh did to Denise. Shen’s description of the Poor as a bunch of half empty players came to pass. I’ve already said how the Cards and therefore Warner bombed horribly. Bob Sanders didn’t play and the Colts defense really suffered. It’s hard to really love anyone else on the Poor team except Megatron. I still wonder if Josh got to the Cowboys and convinced them that Denise would lose. Did any of you see Roy Williams block Witten from getting into the end zone? And then the Cowboys decided to go for the 2 pt conversion instead of the extra point for Folk. Conspiracy against Denise? I’d say it’s more Koshua having a better team. He didn’t score a lot of points and he’ll be the underdog against Towns but you never know. I do know that Romo looked stiff as he walked around after the beating that he took from the G-men. There was this little kid and his dad screaming about the Giants being midgets behind Cliff and myself at the game. You’d hear all the people just cursing around the kid and other kids that were in the vicinity. It was like watching a Spurs game w/ vAsh. It makes me think that there is no way that I’m ever taking a child to a game. It’s not worth it and it’s way too expensive. Anyways, I think Koshua will be the heavy underdog b/c other than Thomas Jones, I don’t think he’ll have a lot of great matchups. Barber will either face the Ravens or Fatty will face the Steelers. I also think the Jets look very suspect. After their big win against the Titans, they've really come down to earth. The lost to the Broncos at home and to the 49ers on the road. They beat the Bills but they didn't deserve it. The defense looked horrible against the Bills and 2nd stringer Losman. There was 1 play where they had initially stopped the Bills running back from getting into the end zone. All you could see was a bunch of Jets pile on the running back at about the 1 yard line. The running back just kept on going though and made his way through all of them. It was then followed by all the Jets fans booing their team. Imagine Big E and VDW and 3 other guys their size piling on Vish and failing to stop him.

"Head Crusher vs. Face Pincher" by Kids in the Hall - watch more funny videos

NO ONE STOPS THE TOWNS.

Despite Denise’s early predictions, Erin gets the decisive win. It looked bad after Thursday night’s game when Bleemia pulled ahead thanks to Pierre Thomas. The Chefs strategy to play to lose and get a better draft slot helped Ben too as Rivers had a monster 2nd half. It wasn’t enough though as the rest of the H8ers had a less than stellar performance. Here’s my penis in the background and my name isn’t Cooley had a poor game. Ginn had almost nothing too. Ben will blame Fitzgerald for running off to the side of a milk carton but you can blame the whole Cardinals team for looking horrible. If I’m a Cards fan, I’m ecstatic over making it to the playoffs for the first time in forever. Unfortunately, I think they’ll be out in round 1 when they have to travel for their first game. Ben can really blame Kevin Faulk and the Patriots for being the Raiders over w/o the KY for his defeat. I still say that Cassell and offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels go off to Detroit. VDW says it’s failed in the past. I say that you’re better off getting these two and drafting tackle Andre Smith. I think that you’d be greatly improved on offense. Would you rather have that team and a rookie QB at the helm? Towns also gets big love from kicker Mare too. Surprisingly, Towns best RB was on the bench. I doubt that he’ll use Choice even if Barber doesn’t start b/c you don’t run on the Ravens defense. At least the Saints are playing the Lions this week so I’m anticipating a big day for Brees and company.

IT'S VISH'S WORLD. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN IT.

I'm just going to spend the rest of the blog talking about random stuff since the rest of the games only count for the weekly prize. First of all, Vish rules all w/ an iron fist. He's like a demi-god on an every other week basis which corresponds with his 500 record. He can do no wrong and everything is just going his way like beating T squared for the high score by 1 yard. Here's a somewhat long clip that represents Vish's super days.


Soumya is also running hot with his Gators going to the BCS championship for the 2nd time in 3 years. I think they'll win and I hope to remember to check out Bleemia for my wager. I thought that Bradford deserved the Heisman but Harrell should have received an invite to NYC. Here's a stupid rap video dedicated to Sho's man crush.


But all is not perfect in the land of Soumya as his Skins have taken a major slide backwards from earlier in the season. Zorn is no longer the toast of the town and Campbell's no longer as effective/efficient as he was in the 1st half of the season. Here's a video displaying a Skins fan's pain on gamedays. I wonder if he's talking to Soumya.


Here's an early list of the top fantasy running backs for next year. It doesn't take schedules or changes in coaches or linemen into account.
1) All Day- (Malkovich's voice from Rounders) He's a monster. He's the most likely candidate to go off for 20 points each week.
2) Westbrook- He's missed games again but he's the cog to the Eagles attack.
3) DeAngelo- As long the Panthers can keep Jordan Gross and the rest of the line intact, I have no doubts that he can continue his success. He'll lose more carries to Stewart next year but he has more explosive potential between the 2.
4) Forte- He runs and catches from the Bears backfield. I think he'll get more time on the field next year when he learns how to pick up the blitz.
5) Turner- The backup surpasses the starter. He's the focal point to the Falcons attack and doesn't have the mileage that LDT has.
6) T. Jones- I don't know if Favre will be back but if he's there, then I think that the Jets will still be able to run and Thomas will benefit.
7) LDT- He hasn't had a bad season, he's just fallen back to mortal status.
8) Barber- I'm ranking him this low in the hopes that he somehow falls to me in the upcoming draft. If they just worked him like they use Westbrook in Philly, he'd be a monster.
9) Chris Johnson- I'm not too sure about the quarterback situation for the Titans next year. I am sure that they'll run a lot and Chris has the explosiveness to break one each time. If he didn't share the ball with Fatty as much, he'd get a higher rank.
10) Portis- I have a feeling that of all the running backs listed, he's the most likely one to suffer a huge drop off due to all of his mileage.

YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS, KRAS.

Congrats Kras on your victory and prize this week. I hope that it serves as inspiration for everyone that you never know what will happen. Except that vAsh will suck and lose again. Can we make a rule that you can’t have the #1 pick 2 years in a row? We’ll call it the vAsh rule or something. He’ll cry and moan about it but maybe you’re really better off w/o such a burden. I don’t know what happened to the vaunted Buc defense but DeAngelo just gashed him. I’m sure that Vish is gushing over him and he’ll be a hot pick in next year’s draft. I think that it’s funny that Kras’s starters consisted of waiver wire pick ups except for Grant, Housh, and Kaeding. Kras might not be able to draft but you can find waiver wire wonders throughout the season. Keep it up Kras and you still might make yourself some money for the year. Shen comes up short despite a solid week. It really came down to the last game of the regular season which is what we all want. Every game and point mattered. Chris Johnson will be a top 10 pick next year and Cutler and Marshall will be high picks for their positions as well.

HERE COME THE BUBBAS

Josh is the hottest team entering the playoffs as he’s taken care of business. We’ll call him the anti-Cliff. His team didn’t score a lot but he won and that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so. Romo looked horrible but who doesn’t against the Steelers defense especially on Heinz field. The Barberian didn’t make it on the field but Koshua has other runners in T Jones and Fatty. Denise is hoping that Barber is listed as probable so Josh will have to make a tough decision. You have to give him credit for his receiving core. He started out without a “top” player but was able to scrounge up some pretty good player in Walter. He’ll be going against himself as he has the Texans opponent in the Titans defense this week. He also has Owen Daniels so he’ll be playing the house against himself routine as he goes in as the favorite against Denise. It’s not b/c the Krotchuas have a super duper team but Denise is stumbling into the playoffs. We’ll go more into that later. Towns loses but still takes the division. I’m sure that Big E is wondering when Addai will take over. I’ll say that everyone w/ a “U” on their helmets will be quite successful against the Lions this week. I don’t know how well Brees will do if the weather is horrible in Chicago. His wide receivers have suddenly abandoned Towns and this could be his Achilles heel. Denise has experienced a lot of the feast or famine from Lee Evans in the past. The Bills have just fallen like a meteor through a wet paper bag that Vish is holding since Trent Edwards concussion. I don’t know how well Bernard will do if Frerotte is still out. I think that the more important issue is if the Williamseseses will lose their legal battle and get suspended. If the Vikings defense can’t keep the Cardinals potent attack in check, I can’t see the Vikings keeping up if they have to pass each down. I think the Vikings need to keep control of the ball with the running attack aka All Day and go play action in order to win. The “Moose” has a great match up against the Denver defense but I think that we all saw that the Panthers’ key to success is to run and run and run and go play action to Dukes of Lightening. If Cutler goes off early and often, I don’t know how if Delhomme can keep throwing. Big E has Gonzo who's been the best TE this year. He has been able to contribute on an otherwise horrible Chefs team. Big E may not like his team but it's hard to go up against Brees who can put up 30 any week as long as the weather isn't horrible. I am setting the line at push between groom and groomsman. I'm not too sure if Josh represents the girl knocking out the guy or if the "other" guy is really Cliff and he has himself to blame.

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VISH IS THE SCARIEST TEAM OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS

OG Vish almost won another high score of the week. Thankfully, Kras was able to overcome his dark magic. In all seriousness, Vish has done very well this season and has a handful of weekly high scores w/ a few more games left to play. If it wasn’t for Antonio Bryant’s huge game w/ an incredible circus catch in the end zone, Vishy would have had another weekly prize. He has the highest point total so far but it’s also about timing. He also has the #1 and #3 runners this season. I vote that he draft for junior Vish next year. He can’t do any worse than the projected worse records for 2 years in a row. Bleemia captures the division thanks to the Texans last week. I laugh at your own team costing you Vish. I can only laugh at you for this reason b/c your Pain has done very well this year. I hope that your boards went well too. Anyways, Ben captures the division but has the 3rd highest point total in it. He’s lucky and gets a first round match up against Big E. I think that his receivers will be okay but I wonder what Ben will do at his RB spots. Jacobs has questions around his knee. Pierre should get the rock “if” they try to run against the Bears and Bush isn’t healthy. I think that the Colts are a different defense if Sanders is healthy so I don’t know about Kevin Smith. You don’t start a running back against the Steelers so McClain is out. At least he has Rivers against the Chefs. I think that’s an easy 20 points. So here's a video of something totally unrelated and I can't think of a way to tie into anything. I just thought that it was a cool ride that all of us would like to try as shameful as it may seem.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

CHOKES ON CHEN

Geez. Sorry Cliffy. You can still make money w/ the weekly prizes but you've got to be feeling pretty down right now. If you want to see another choke job, see the video below. Someone come up w/ a sentence using the word pristine and Cliff's choke job. He beat Vish2 this week which isn't say much but he lost the division where he was the leader for the majority of the season and got kicked out of the playoffs by 55.2 points. Over the course of 14 games, that's just 4 points a week. It's also why each game is important b/c 1 more win by Cliff or 1 more loss by either Big E or Josh and Cliff's in. Sorry Cliff. There's always the inevitable injury by Yao or T-Mac and the first round ouster by the Jazz to look forward to.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I'M CONCENTRATING ALL MY THOUGHTS ON T-E-B-O-W.

Sho is off in Gator land and I’m sure that he’s trying to figure out how to get to Miami on January 8 if he hasn’t already. I’m wondering if the coconut bra will make another appearance. Steve Slaton continues his impressive rookie season. I agree w/ Peter King’s assessment that this has been an incredible season for rookies. Matt Ryan and Flacco have led their teams into playoff contention. Chris Johnson has been a key to the Titans 1 loss season. Forte has been the Bears offense for the whole season. Slaton will allow the Texans to say bye bye or super cheap discount salary for Ahman Green. On the flip side, T squared continues to try and turn his season around aka ride Peyton and Westbrook 4 eva. He lost but was competitive thanks to these two. I should also mention Wes Welker's great season. He's the master of the underneath route and is tough to boot. Check out Wes Welker stay alive after this hit. Dangshizzle. I'd be wondering if I was still in Lubbock. I wonder if coach Leach will be wondering why he's still there in a year? I'm secretly hoping that Cal will somehow convince him to go Pac 10 and lead a revolution of bizzare activities in Berkeley.

I FEAR AN EARLY EXIT.

Denise stumbles into the playoffs and looks very suspect right now. If Warner and the Colts defense don’t go off, I don’t know how he can win unless the Krotchuas bottom out. His running backs have don’t little or close to it and outside of Megatron and Witten, his receivers have done zippo. But he’s in the playoffs and anything can happen. VDW’s season continues to disappoint him. He didn’t have a great chance this week w/ Portis hurt and going against the Ravens defense. I wish that I could say more about his team but what can you really say? At least he's made money which is more than you can say for Vish2, Shen, and Chokes on Chen so far. We'll see what happens w/ Bleemia and the Krotchuas in the playoffs. So I remember one of my first trips to Vegas when I went to Crazy Horse 2. I was w/ one of my buddy's buddy who in order to protect his identity we'll call Justin from L.A. who became an anesthesiologist. A dancer was on my lap trying to convince me that I wanted a dance and I said that I was cool and just enjoying the environment. Back then, I didn't have the funds to throw about like a fool and I had to figure out the best value for my dollar. So the dj says that the next song will come w/ a t-shirt from the club. I jumped all over that and got a dance. For those of you who went to my first pajama party, I wore that shirt that night. I can't find it anymore and I suspect a girl or my Mom took it from me. Anyways, I'm there enjoying my dance and the girl who's dancing on Justin's lap leans over to me and says that my friend is having a good time. I remember wondering, "No duh. You're grinding on him. Geez these girls are nice to look at but empty as hell in the head." I realized what she meant later on that night and I punched Justin for being that close to me (1 foot away) when it happened.

SATURDAY NIGHT WAS GOOD 4 MY BROS.

Congrats to Soumya and his Gators for getting to the championship game again. It was a great game w/ the exception of the last quarter where you could see Florida really pull away. I think it was a great display of Florida’s strength on both sides of the ball. Alabama was able to put up points and control the ball for some time but they failed to stop the Gators/Tebow when they needed to. As expected, the Sooners ran all over the Tigers and will be facing Florida in the championship game. I still think that the Longhorns got hosed but all I’ll do is laugh at them. I’m glad that there’s enough time where Bradford and Harvin can heal up and be close to 100%. I think the early line has the Gators favored by 3. I’ll take them because I think that their defense will get more stops against the vaunted Sooner offense than vice versa. How can you go against the best Filipino QB ever and Soumya? I watched the Pacquiao/De La Hoya fight on Saturday night. Most of you won’t know this but almost every Filipino in the world watched that fight. It’s an exaggeration but not too far off from the truth. When a 3rd world country has anyone succeed on a world wide level, he’ll be the king of the land. He’ll also become a politician and quite possibly president in the near future as long as he stays popular. It’s sad but true. He’s so popular that there was close to no violence or traffic in the whole country as everyone and their momma watched. They showed the fight on the side of a building for the people to see. Unfortunately, the fight was more like target practice. DLH is too old and slow. Pac Man is in his prime and kept connecting on shots throughout the night and DLH barely touched him. It would have been great to see Oscar minus 5 years when he had his speed. I think that he’s made $100 million w/ his fights and promotions so I’m not sad for him. Amazingly, I called the fight in 9. DLH didn’t answer after the 8th round. Too bad Bleemia didn’t get my text about placing a bet for me. Whatevers. I'm glad that McHale will finally get put on the hot seat for his poor decision making since the Latrell Spreewell years. Right now, I'd rather be a Thunder fan. Both teams are horrible but where would you rather live during the winter? The Spurs and Mavs had a great game Tuesday night. vAsh is happy as hell to see his Spurs survive double OT to win. For all of you Mavs fans aka Josh, where the hell was Dirk when it mattered the most? If he's that great or an MVP type player, doesn't he need to get/demand the ball in those clutch moments? Look at Stephon Curry. He led Davidson's comeback and eventual win Tuesday night. I love how the PTI guys said that the Knicks had to do everything in their power to get Stephon for further King James bait.

My Own Texans Beat Me versus Urban’s Better than Saban.

I know that some people may have lost interest in the league but it’s really come down to the last game of the regular season. The league leaders through the majority of the season have fallen back to the rest of the pack and are in danger of missing the playoffs. The bottom feeders except for Vish2 have shown their mettle and played integral roles in the playoff picture. They’ve shown that they’re anything but bottom feeders. The game of the week goes to this showdown in the SugarIvy League. Ironically, the original Vish’s team cost him a shot in the playoffs. It was a good display of Vish’s Texans against an injured and fallen Jaguars squad. The Texans have a pass rusher and play makers at receiver, running back, and tight end. They need more consistency which I think will come with a healthier squad and time. I’d be looking for offensive line help in the draft. Del Rio looks like he’ll be out the door at the end of the season. Vish has had a very good season for a non playoff team and he can teach junior Vish a thing or two about sports. Sho gets the money for the week, but he’s got bigger things on his mind as his Gators are a game away from the Championship game. Good luck Sho. I also have to share something w/ all of you, especially the Dads w/ daughters. Here’s a name that you could have used or any of you could use in the future. L-ea. The pronunciation is after the next game recap.

I’m the hottest thing around versus I think State will be better in the Dance.

So Kras is too hot to handle, too cold to hold. He’s not a Ghostbuster but he’s in control. Who would have thought that the guy who sang that song would become a back up point guard for the Kings? Anywhooo, Kras shows vAsh what it means to have heart and to fight till the end. As Shen said, I don’t know how he knew to sit the hot Cassel and start the rookie QB, but he did. It’s probably b/c you’d rather have anyone against the Bengals defense instead of the Steeler’s. It doesn’t matter though b/c getting the win is the bottom line. Denise hopes his streak gets to 5. VDW suffers the loss as it looks like Collins was the only Titan who didn’t go off against the Lions. Forte did well once again and I predict that he’ll be VDW’s pick next year if he’s still around. I know that VDW’s a proud Dad of 2 girls and that he likes to drink. The video below is a reason why you don’t want to play w/ kids when you drink. The pronunciation is Lee-dash-ah. Are you kidding me? Really? You want your daughter to be the subject of ridicule and embarrassment from elementary school to high school. Her only hope is to be the most popular girl in school or be really hot or be really rich. Why don’t I just hit a bunch of buttons on my keyboard and tell me people that in my people’s country, it means sacred child of nature? I’m waiting for some Star Wars fans to have a kid and name him or her @@.

Stupid Jets defense versus Awesome Broncos offense.

Shen gets the win to extend his season as Cutler proves to be better than Brett in the cold and windy conditions of the Meadowlands. Shen also gets the double bonus from Cutler’s tosses to Marshall and Scheffler. I actually think Shen’s biggest contribution came from the sad state of affairs in Detroit. Chris Johnson went off though I think that he couldn’t have had a bigger day if Detroit had any kind of team. For some reason, Shen had the foresight to drop Prater and pick up Folk. Congrats to you for extending your season. I guess that Denise had a good reason to put out the bounty on you. It might not be enough. Denise gets the loss and can thank the New York Bretts for coming up so small in their own home. Coles and Bradley did next to nothing and it cost Denise. At least he had the foresight to pick up the Colts defense who have Cincy, Detroit and Jax coming up. I don’t know if it will matter for him but at least he still has a 1 game advantage on Shen w/ a 40 point cushion. If Denise misses the playoffs, this will be his reaction minus the puppet.

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The trade almost cost me versus the trade almost cost you.

Congrats to Bleemia for being the first to make the playoffs. He needed help from the Sho and the Texans, but he got in and that’s all that counts. He’ll need his team to rally though as the rest of his teams looks shaky outside of Jacobs, Fitzgerald, and Jennings. Kevin Smith got hurt but has some favorable run defenses for the playoffs if Sanders is out. Plax is gone and likely for good given the Giants success w/ the hard line stance. You don’t have a safety on? Really? You’re out in public w/ a gun next or near to your groin and you don’t have your safety on? You could easily do damage to yourself or someone else around you. You’re in a club and you could be drinking and it could go off that easily. Or maybe you’re full of it and there’s something else going on and you’re protecting your sorry asssshish. Anyways, congrats to T Squared for continuing the trend of super upsets. A lot of the credit goes to former H8er member, Westbrook. He shredded the Cards and took the spotlight off questions around McNabb’s poor play prior to the game. He also got a monster game from Rod Bironas who joined in on the beat the Lions funfest in Detroit. The point is to find anyone who’s playing against the Lions. I wonder if All Day is in for 200 yards or more this weekend. Grandmama also showed up but for some reason, Peyton played horribly against the Brownies. Vish should look to Tim and Kras for some inspiration or perhaps he should just ask Reina to pick players for him. Could you be so horrible that you get the #1 pick for 2 years in a row? Yes, you can. In honor of T squared, here's a video of a politician from Georgia. I wish that Tim wasn't so busy w/ an actual life so he could tell us about this guy.

How can I fall so quickly from the mountain top versus It’s when I’m on your monkey asssshhhhh.

The once lucky Chens have lost their magic and are now on the outside looking into the playoffs. The lesson is that each game matters and so does each point. Cliff isn’t out. He needs to win w/ a loss from Josh or win and have Shen win the Rose Bowl division. At least he’s playing Vish and that’s as close a gimme as playing A & M or Baylor on Saturdays. At least he has a “healthy” S Jax back and might survive to make it another game. Bush came back but did very little. At least he has Frerotte playing against the Lions next week. He’s also playing the stopper. He’s like the stopper in baseball who can stop a losing streak b/c he’s that great a pitcher but instead vAsh is so horrible you can’t lose to him. The Pack continue their winning ways and look to be in the playoffs unless they lose and score 1 point this week. In other words, you’re in baby. You’ll need better games than this past weekend’s but your week wasn’t as horrible as Lindell’s. I can’t believe how horribly he missed his kicks. It was in bad weather but I think that being a Bills kicker is just heart break waiting to happen. Here's an old school remix for something old yet new as well.

Geez you’re horrible versus geez I’m horrible.

Koshua gets the win over the horribly sad team from vAsh. It must have given Krotchua joy to watch T Jones be the lone successful New York Brett this week. It hurts Denise and proves him wrong once again. He’ll be a top 10 pick next year barring injury. The Cowboys beat the daylights out of the poor Seahawks as they continue to stay hot on the run for the playoffs. The Titans obliterated the Lions and Josh benefited w/ the Titan defense. These games weren’t a surprise but it was somewhat surprising to see that Josh only needed 2 players to outscore poor vAsh. Could vAsh’s season get any worse? I don’t think that it could w/ or w/o his help. Speaking of sad, here's a sad fellow.

Goodbye Fulmer.

So did the Volunteers really underachieve so badly over the last few years that Fulmer needed the door? I guess the boosters and AD said yes and that’s all that matters in the end. I just wonder if they’re just over reacting and the Vols will pay the price, Wolverine style. So Lane Kiffin will get the job now and bring his pop w/ him. I wonder what effect it will have on the vaunted Bucs defense. If Brooks is still around, I think they’ll be okay. You should read the SI story on how Brooks studies and preps for games. The BCS madness is here again and is great for debate. I still don’t know how things will change but if we can have a black President, then there’s hope. I hate being on the same side w/ the Longhorns, but I have to admit that they deserve the nod over the Sooners. If it’s down to two teams, then things get settled on the field. The Red Raiders and Emily will argue that they belong in the talk, but you almost lost to Cliff’s Baylor Bears. You didn’t lose and that’s the bottom line but you need to finish strong in order to be considered a top dog. The Bears are a dog team and barely beating them at the end of the season takes you out of contention in my book. How much of a chance do you think you have if Crabtree can’t run and Harrell has busted fingers? I think it’s funny that the Aggies actually hurt the Longhorns more by being a horrible team than being competitive. I think it’s the first time that vAsh can be proud for sucking assssshhh. On the other side of the championship game, we’ll either see some Tide or some Gators. Sho will be hoping that Harvin will be good to go. Either way, Tebow will be waiting and will go blood and guts in order to win. Filipinos are tough like that. Pacquiao in 6 though I fear De La Hoya’s uncanny ability to overcome the odds. Anyone want to watch the fight w/ me? Congrats to T squared’s big win over the No Show Bulldogs. Good for you Tim. Biggest congrats goes to Koch’s Jayhawks for their great win over the Northern champs. Great win for the big fat coach.